Love, Laundry, and Friendship Marriages: Rewriting Happily-Ever-Afters in Japan's Modern Marriage Trends

by Mutiara Salsabila Fitriana

Humans are created in pairs according to The Creator. The pairing of men and women were designed to complement each other. Life together between men and women is not always based solely on spiritual or biological needs, but also because people now live in society with ever-changing norms and lifestyles. Over the years, the meaning of marriage in society has evolved significantly. In modern times, the importance of building a relationship through the bond of marriage seems to have diminished, leading to a preference for cohabitation. The present and future of marriage are marked by weakening social norms that once defined and guided behavior within this institution.
According to Hull KE, Meier A, and Ortyl T (2010), one of the main reasons marriage is perceived by some as a failing institution is the attitude of the younger generation. Interestingly, many younger people do aspire to commit and get married, but their idea of marriage often revolves around love that is conditional on personal happiness. The concept of marriage as a sacred bond requiring loyalty, sacrifice, and fierce commitment is not as prevalent among them. Instead, there is a tendency to prioritize personal happiness. Furthermore, there is a notable shift in norms, where some individuals now marry without love, driven by other considerations. These marriages, often referred to as pragmatic or convenience marriages, are based on factors such as financial stability, social status, or family expectations rather than romantic love. This change reflects a broader societal transformation in the perception of marriage, where the idea of marrying for love is not the sole motivating factor. It highlights the diverse and evolving reasons why people end up choosing to marry in contemporary society.
However, Today in Japan, there are fewer marriages, fewer births, and a declining population. This demographic trend has been ongoing for several years. Specifically, 49.3% of women and 43.5% of men expressed a desire to get married at some point. Despite the higher percentage among women, the desire for marriage remains notably lower compared to Indonesia. According to data from Licorice (2020), nearly all individuals in Indonesia expressed a desire to marry, with only 12% indicating they hadn’t thought much about marriage and less than 1% stating they did not want to marry at all.
The most common reason that 40.5% of Japanese women gave for why they do not want to get married was because it “puts a limit on my activities and lifestyle,” while the top reason given by 42.5% of men was the “loss of financial leeway.”
As a result, according to the latest statistics, Japan's fertility rate, representing the average number of babies expected to be born to a woman in her lifetime, was recorded at 1.2 last year. The Ministry reported that the 758,631 babies born in Japan in 2022 marked a 5.1% decrease from the previous year, representing the lowest number since Japan began compiling such statistics in 1899.

However, recently, there has been a phenomenon in Japan where increasing numbers of young people are adopting a new type of marital relationship that does not necessarily involve love or sex, known as "friendship marriage."
In Japan, a friendship marriage, refers to a marital relationship where two individuals come together primarily for companionship and mutual support, rather than romantic love or sexual attraction. This type of marriage is perceived as a win-win solution for individuals seeking companionship, emotional support, and the practical benefits of marriage, without necessarily pursuing a romantic or passionate relationship. They are founded on friendship, trust, and shared values rather than romantic love.

So, how does friendship marriage work?
A friendship marriage operates on a mutual agreement between the partners, where they typically meet before marriage and spend significant time discussing various aspects of their life together. This includes how expenses will be shared, division of assets, household chores such as laundry, and other essential aspects of married life. These discussions are crucial for establishing mutual expectations and ensuring that both partners are on the same page regarding their roles and responsibilities within the marriage.

Then, are friendship marriages similar to a contractual marriage?
Nope. A contract marriage is a marriage between a man and a woman based on a contractual agreement for a specified period of time. Once the contract period expires, the marriage automatically ends. The duration of contract marriages can vary, such as for a month, a year, or longer, depending on the terms agreed upon. This type of marriage operates similarly to a lease agreement, where the contract is not permanent. Therefore, its primary purpose is often economic rather than aiming to establish a harmonious and lifelong family life. In contrast, in a friendship marriage, there is no time limit set for the marriage.

And, to what extent does Japan really need this trend of Friendship Marriage to continue?
Friendship Marriage trends can offer a more flexible and inclusive approach to promoting family stability and increasing birth rates. Although it’s not fundamentally based on romantic love, couples can still choose and make agreements regarding having children as long as there is mutual consent. This trend has the potential to support Japan's efforts in addressing its depopulation issue after all. Therefore, Japan has already taken proactive steps in this direction by formulating the 'Direction on Strategy for Children’s Future' in June 2023. This initiative aims to counteract the declining birth rates through comprehensive measures, including financial aid tailored to support couples in child-rearing. By alleviating the significant economic challenges faced by prospective parents, these policies aim to create a more conducive environment for family formation and thereby contribute to stabilizing Japan's population dynamics.

So, is this friendship marriage applicable?
Actually, it's perfectly acceptable in Japan and worldwide. If this trend is to be implemented worldwide, it must take into account the laws and cultures of each country – naturally, every region has its own unique characteristics. However, this trend arises from societal demands regarding the importance of marriage. Within cultures, marriage is often seen as the pinnacle of an ideal romantic relationship, with expectations that married couples should have a deeply intimate and romantic connection. However, in reality, not everyone finds the right romantic partner at the expected time. Therefore, friendship marriages can serve as an alternative for some young adults who question traditional norms or romantic relationships due to societal pressures. It allows them to project a "stable and mature" image for career advancement or to compromise social expectations.
Furthermore, friendship marriage offers an alternative choice for those who may not have found romantic love yet but still desire to build a life together based on commitment and mutual support. It can also be a solution for individuals who feel social pressure to marry but value friendship and stability over intense romance. In a society obsessed with fairy tales, these couples are writing their own happily-ever-afters, one practical agreement at a time. So, are you up for giving it a shot?

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